Beginnings: Ah-dam & Ava

This is a stand-alone rant from history's most iconic and eternally demonized woman ;-)

 Told by Nick Cole; edited by Anathea Krrill.

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I was blinded by love, drowned in hope, and choked on lust. I sought to find absolution in Ava’s trusted face and took the apple she offered me.

“Have a bite, Ah-dam,” she said and smiled.

The rest is history…

Ah-dam's version of history has been written down, circulated, embellished, changed, and altered beyond recognition to tell the tale of an evil woman; a seductress, who tempted her man and got them both kicked out of Paradise.

Even now, over 2,000 years later, women suffer undeserved prejudice and punishment.

I know, because it was me, who handed the blasted apple to Ah-dam!

"So it is true then!" I hear you cry, and it burns my soul to realize that even you cannot see beyond the veil of history. I thought you were omni-everything: omniscient, omnipotent; wise, and old as the Universe herself. Did you choose to avert your gaze and look away when it happened? Did you not care? Do you not value the truth above all else?

I am disappointed in you, Lucifer!

What did I ever do to you to resent me so much? Why not tell the truth? Why allow false testimony to prevail and tarnish womankind forever? Is it, because it makes it easier for you to control me?

“I know, I know,” you say, and you hold your hands up in defeat, and I hate you for your condescending demeanor and patronizing words.

I haven't touched an apple since. Couldn’t! You asked me once, and I foolishly told you the story, attempting to set history right.

You shook your head in disbelief and smirked a lot - hardly able to suppress your belligerent laughter. I am ashamed! Ashamed, and sad, and I never felt more abandoned than at the precise moment, when you so blatantly stopped believing me.

Your deceit forces me to crawl ever since. Forces me to do penitence for something that was never my fault. Worse even! It forces my daughters and sisters to collectively do the same. They don’t know why they are pushed to their knees, never allowed to get up and walk freely again. They never had any doings in this.

Original Sin, they call it.

"There is no such thing!" I say.

You shake your head in mild surprise, you double-faced bastard!

You pretended to have pity on me - back then - when Ah-dam turned away from me in horror. When he left me for something that was his fault alone.

It was Ah-dam who handed me the apple first!

I knew it was wrong... so I gave the blasted fruit back to him.

He bit into it, swallowed the bite, and almost choked on it when the big nebulous entity (the one humans like to depict as a benevolent old man with a long white beard) appeared and made a big fuss over the stupid fruit. There is nothing benevolent about the old git… believe me!

Turns out Ah-dam’s allegiance lay squarely with the old man. Not with me. Or perhaps he was just scared of the uncertainty that lay beyond the boundaries of Eden; couldn’t get his head around standing on his own two feet with no support from the old tyrant. Lost his brave in the process, and sacrificed me on the altar of his cowardice.

Why couldn’t you have faith in us, Ah-dam? You and I against the world… that was the plan all along… or so I thought.

Screw you, Ah-dam! May you rot in Paradise forever! I just wish you’d choked on the flaming bite of the forbidden fruit!

The old man didn’t do anything more threatening than tsk-tsk and shake his head, but it was enough to bring Ah-dam to heel with his tail tucked.

I wish he’d found it in him to stand up to the old fool; take my hand and walk away together. He’d be surprised how nice life outside Paradise can be…

I miss him. I will miss him forever. Does he miss me at all?

You, dear Lucifer, would know, but you refuse to tell me. You torture me with a knowing lift of your eyebrow, a sly smile, a haughty laugh. And then you snip your fingers, point to the floor in front of you, and make me crawl.

Tell me, Lucifer: Why exactly did the old man kick you out?

Oh yes, you tried to stand up to him. Gathered a few lads to ‘show the old fool’. Didn’t turn out quite as expected, did it now?

Yet you take the moral high ground over me. And why? Because you are taller, stronger, and you also believe to be smarter. Trust me, Lucifer: You. Are. Not!

The old man might have managed to instill bottomless confidence into your soul, but he only did so because he hates me more. Needed you to do his dirty deed outside Paradise. Control me. With fire and sword; fist and boot. As if I needed physical domination to be at a disadvantage! The old tyrant made me bear children - whether I wanted to or not.

I’ve not been able to hold my head high for over 2,000 years. You oppressed me, stifled, controlled, and used me whenever you saw fit. You - on the other hand - live beyond the rules. You do as you please.

My wishes don’t count in your world. A man's world, dominated by war.

“Battles - both of wills and weapons - are best fought face to face against a worthy opponent,” is what you keep telling me.

What a whole lot of crap!

Battles kill people - innocent people; children, their mothers… I cry for their loss. All you ever do is shrug your shoulders and look at me as if I were mad.

“Should have stayed in Paradise if you can’t cope with the reality of life,” is all the bullshit-wisdom you have to offer.

Screw you, Lucifer! You don’t know the first thing about me!

The old tyrant loves the concept of a blood sacrifice; be it in childbirth, or on the battlefield. He doesn’t care where it’s coming from as long as blood keeps flowing, drenching the Earth, soaking her with red pain and grief.

And it is mainly women’s grief: stillbirth, death in childbirth, men and sons slaughtered in battles, daughters and sisters raped by the victors.

“Where, Lucifer,” I ask you. “Where is the justice in all of this?”

“There ain’t,” you deflect the question I have been asking for millennia. Then you reach for me and pull me tight, and I give in to you because you are irresistible.

I hate you, Lucifer. I love you.

You are a predator. A conqueror. A man who takes without asking - as if it were your right! I hitch a breath. It IS your right. I don’t recognize my own reasoning - because what I am thinking right now is unreasonable. You exert power over me, and I hate myself for granting you this power.

We will battle forever.

I lift my eyes and set my jaw, my gaze meeting your black, bottomless pits.

“Let’s fight!” You smile and offer me your outstretched hand - palm gallantly facing up - for me to take.

I take it... ceasefire for now.

It lasts until the next morning after a passion-fueled night. We drag it out by making love as the sun meets the moon over the rim of the horizon. We are both tired. We don’t want to fight, but the old man's hatred still drives our actions.

Ah-dam’s betrayal honestly doesn’t bother me any longer. He rammed his poisoned dagger into my heart... but that was a long time ago. The wound still hurts, but it doesn’t fester anymore.

I am madly in love with Lucifer, and our passion burns like the blazing fires of hell: inextinguishable; eternal; true.

What irks me most, is the holier-than-thou society. The people in some choice niches in what we call ‘Western society’, who believe that there is true gender equality; that men and women have the same rights, chances, and opportunities. Women go to school, and we study at universities. We only marry if we want to. Our partners and husbands support us because they want to, not because they earn better money.

Do men really buy this crap? Do they really think women are given a fair choice?

Or are they so blinded by the precious little enclaves of equality, which sprout at strategically placed locations all over the Western world? It is baffling. Do we only see what we want to see? Am I right? Am I wrong?

You tell me I am too tetchy; make a big fuss about nothing.

“Women are generally content,” you tell me. You may be right… in our society. But what about all the suppressed, exploited, uneducated women in the third world? This gagged army of womanhood, who neither have the means nor the energy to fight. Powerless to change their dire existences.

And all that because of a stupid apple? Can you not smell the rat? If it hadn’t been the apple - don’t you think the old man would have found another reason to degrade women to second-class humans?

Come on, Lucifer! Use your pretty head to think for once! I know you have a brain underneath that gorgeous hair of yours!

Did the old man promise you something? Do you owe him? Or are you just stuck in times long past? When you were still in the old tyrant’s good books; before he booted you out that poncy portal.

You throw your head back and your roaring laughter assaults me.

“Me?” you say. “The old sod always hated me with a vengeance. I am a rebel as far as he is concerned - never a saint. Made out I deserved to be punished and kicked out of Paradise. Do you want to hear the truth, love? Or do you prefer to believe what history wants you to believe?”

I nod. I shake my head.

“What is it now, love? Make your mind up. Take it or leave it. I don’t care either way.”

Oh! I hate it when you are so-not-bothered about anything!

“Indulge me, then.” I don’t really want to hear what you have to say, but if I don’t, you will pout and withdraw for days. Easier to just listen to your twisted truths.

“The old tyrant has been playing us like a pair of cymbals. You against me - all that time. Bang! Clash! Tshee-boom!”

I can hear the tinny dissonance of metal against metal; designed for the sole purpose of destroying blissful harmonies. I shake my head.

“What are you saying, Lucifer?” I don’t trust you, and I fleetingly wonder why.

“Ah-dam set you up, love. It was his devious ploy to get you exiled from Paradise.”

I snort a mirthless laugh, “C’mon, Lucifer! You don’t believe that shite now, do you…?” I turn around and flip you the bird. Twice - for good measure. “Ah-dam hasn’t got a devious bone in him!”

“He used to…” I see your Adam’s apple bob as you swallow.

“How so, Fallen One?” My voice cuts through the air like a heated blade through ice.

You wince. “Because… we are both….”

I don’t understand, and I raise my eyebrow to let you know.

“I am.... part of Ah-dam,” you say.

I still don’t get it.

“The old git separated us. ‘The Good and the Evil,’ he called us. But he was rather judgmental when it came to the execution. I am not better or more evil than what is left behind of me in Paradise.” You roll your eyes upwards, indicating the general direction of where humans believe Paradise to be: Heaven. Up. Angels. What a load of rubbish!

“At the end of the day, we are just that: two halves, never to be merged again. Perpetually pining for the other. And you, my love, you are nothing but my substitute for Ah-dam. My missing half. You are the closest thing I have to him. You and I and Ah-dam - we were a trinity… together... once.”

I hang my head in despair and understanding: We are nothing but broken pieces of something that once was whole and beautiful. Something so magnificent, that the old tyrant feared for his supremacy and destroyed it.

He. Destroyed. Us.

'Only because we let it happen.' A voice consisting of three voices courses through my head; disjointed; disconnected; scattered into the winds.

The echo of a distant past.

I entwine my fingers with Lucifer's.

He is all I have left...

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